Monday, August 16, 2010

Melancholy

I'm kind of melancholy tonight.  I'm not really sure why.  Probably because I haven't felt good (laryingitis) and there are just lots of emotions going on out there.  Watching Amy's kids go off to school....hearing about Zach's dr's. appointment (good news, bad news---dr. doesn't think it's his thyroid---so now what?)...re-reading Marcy's post about her mom.  I just feel sad. 

And you know what?  That's good.  I'm a person who's never allowed herself to feel many emotions.  Suppressed, I think they say.  Probably why I have lots of canker sores.  I wish I'd let myself have a good cry when my kids went off to school or when Amy tore her nose open on a coffee table.  I just felt the need to hold it together.  In control.  Excuse me while I psychoanalyze myself.  Yeah, probably a control freak.

But...I think I want to turn over a new leaf.  I hereby give myself permission to cry, scream, be hysterical if I want.  If you see me with red eyes and no makeup, you'll know why.   I think I'll go have a good cry.

3 comments:

amy wright said...

hahaha...like I told Marcy, it can be embarrassing at times, but it's always healing. Welcome to the other side!

Marcy Faye Hallden said...

Oh Becky, you just wait until you see what I will be bloggin about soon. I have been waiting for the right minute--to have enough time to share what God's been doing in my since Mom's death--and it sounds SO much like what He's doing in you--releasing the emotions--be it tears or happiness. PUMPED to walk through this door with you!!

Lindsey said...

I'm proud of you. Like Amy said, welcome to the club.