Self-Preservation

Do you ever find yourself shutting down and going into self-preservation mode? I do. I honestly hate that place. It can become debilitating.  It’s also a powerless place to live.  

God began unlocking my heart today and exposing where self-preservation had moved in. I was more concerned about hurting a relationship than I was about that person’s eternal destiny. 

Revelation 12:11 says, “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death.”

We overcome by salvation—the blood of the Lamb applied to our hearts, covering our sin. We overcome by our testimony—how we’ve seen God work in our lives. No one can dispute what we’ve seen, heard, and experienced. But we also overcome by not loving our lives to the death—not going into self-preservation mode. It’s being willing to risk it all—even in the face of death. Every disciple of Jesus paid a high price for following Him. We may, too. 

Risk.it.all. Risk it all, Becky!!  

Matthew 11:28-29

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Come now! Come knowing the advantage of Me. Each of you individually who have grown weary, tired, exhausted with toil, or burdens, or grief. Every one of you who have had a burden placed on you—those burdens could be rites or unwarranted precepts, ceremony, or spiritual anxiety. I will cause or permit you to cease from any movement or labor in order to recover and collect your strength. I will give you rest, refreshment and keep you quiet and  calm. I will give you patient expectation. Raise up, elevate, and lift up My yoke (that coupling of servitude) in the right position on you. Learn of Me and from Me. Increase your knowledge of Me, hear Me, and be informed. Learn by use and repetition. I am gentle, meek, mild, and humble. I am lowly in spirit, humble in the very center of spiritual life. When you are yoked to Me, you will find an intermission and cessation of any motion or labor for the very seat of your soul—your mind, will, and emotions. Your psyche, breath of life, desires and affections will be refreshed. You will recover and collect your strength. My yoke will fit you—it will be mild and pleasant. My burden or load is easy and light in weight. Come now!

Paul Burleson

If I were to name one pastor and who’s had the biggest impact on my life, I would immediately say, “Paul Burleson.” I’ve known him since I was 19-years-old (he married us)…but he was my pastor for only eight months. Paul went to heaven yesterday. Let me tell you how he made such an incredible impact on my life in such a short amount of time. 

My husband, Andy, was a college student when Paul & Mary Burleson came to his home church in Borger, TX. Andy would come home on weekends to hear his teaching. Then about twelve years later, Bro. Paul (as we called him), asked Andy to consider coming on staff with him in Broken Arrow (BA), Oklahoma. I’ll never forget the interview process.  We were coming from a church we loved and the Spirit was clearly showing me there were issues in this church. I was struggling, so I asked Bro. Paul why they had come to BA. He replied, “That’s a good question. I was teaching principles in Southcliff Baptist Church in Ft. Worth to seminary students and God asked me to come practice them here.” So we packed everything up and moved to BA to learn from Bro. Paul & Mary.   

I can look back on my life and see how God prepared me to be a pastor’s wife by putting special pastors and wives in my life. But I was about to get a crash course from Bro. Paul & Mary. Paul took a staff of 8 (mostly) younger men and trained them. Staff meetings were about equity, respect, unity, listening, sharing information, and empowerment. Once a month, each couple took a turn hosting a staff fellowship where we built solid relationships—which have endured the test of time. Once a week, staff wives met for lunch and discussed a myriad of topics. Even though each pastor’s wife took a turn leading, Mary taught us so much during those lunches. She was not your typical pastor’s wife and caused us to constantly search for truth. We shared, we cried together, and we learned from one another. Those eight months were a crash course, indeed. In BA, God defined our ministry and launched us into our own identity as leaders—having been trained by the best. The tools we were given by Bro. Paul & Mary have been invaluable to us through the years. 

As good leaders do, Bro. Paul & Mary have stayed invested in our lives. They’ve watched us grow. I remember telling them I was so glad they were a few steps ahead of us so we could learn from them. We watched them parent and copied many things we learned from them.  I think the most impactful thing I’ve learned from them through the years is they’ve not been afraid to admit failures and to ask for forgiveness. They’ve also admitted principles they held to early in their lives were wrong and they no longer believed that way. Early on, Bro. Paul especially saw things very black and white and was a very strong (and vocal) individual.  I saw him change; conceding that relationship was better than being right. He never quit growing or changing. 

If you don’t know Paul Burleson, his greatest contribution to the kingdom of God (besides his family and mentoring pastors) was his teaching on the tabernacle.  He wrote a book a year ago compiling all he’d learned—which you can find on Amazon. It’s called, “The Tabernacle in the Wilderness: a Tale Told in Types.” This teaching transformed my life and I apply it in so many ways today. I encourage you to read it!

I’m jealous today of what and who Bro. Paul is seeing. I can imagine his delight, his loud voice as he sings in praise (wishing he had keys to jingle in rhythm), and his big laugh as he hugs people he’s missed.  But most of all, he’s all smiles as he sees the One he’s loved most. 

I’ve already asked God to thank him for all he taught me and the huge impact he’s had on my life. 

A New Level of Anger

God warned us things would escalate in the last days—and they have. I’ve never seen this level of anger, hatefulness, viciousness, and verbal attacks among communities before. I’m not just talking about the way Jewish students are being treated (although that’s abominable!). I’m talking about the way neighbors are treating neighbors. It’s enough to make you want to pick up your marbles and go home—and hide there the rest of your life. 

In fact, there are posts suggesting that when you’ve been hurt, it’s ok to just “Let them go. You don’t need that kind of hatefulness in your life. Draw boundaries and stay away from those people.”

I’ve thought on this for a few days. That’s exactly what our flesh wants to do. But what does God tell us to do?  He tells us to “Love your enemies. Pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:43-44) This isn’t a passive “live and let live; tell them off, and move on.”  The Greek word for love is agapao. It means to “welcome, entertain, be fond of, to love dearly, to wish well, have a preference for, to regard the welfare of.” That’s NOT what our flesh wants to do. But It’s the picture of the love of Christ suffering and dying on the cross for us when we were “enemies” in our sin. It’s the picture of Jesus eating with Judas knowing he was about to betray him. 

You’ve been hurt, accused, or verbally attacked. Have you prayed for those who persecuted you? You’ll be held in Satan’s chokehold until you do. He wants you to nurse those feelings of rejection and fan those flames of hatred. But once you pray for your enemies, you’ll begin to find release. And when you do good to (love) your enemy? You’ll be set free.  

I know it hurts. Boy! Do I know. But cutting people out of your life isn’t God’s way. Can we draw boundaries, letting people know their gossip, hatred, and venom aren’t welcome around us? Yes…absolutely. Jesus warned his disciples of the teaching of the Pharisees—and even corrected the Pharisees in front of his disciples. The Pharisees constantly tried to hostilely trap Jesus—but he still engaged with them and loved them, even if he was firm with them. Loving others doesn’t mean we don’t speak the truth in love to them. It means we keep the doors open. 

God says to…Love them. Pray for them.