This past week, I spent a day going through my old journals looking for something Matt was wanting. (Which I didn't find, by the way.) I'd told Andy when we moved that I came very close to burning all those journals. Why was I keeping 20 + years of them, moving them, and for what?
Well, I've still got them. And my early journals are just painful for me to read. I believe every person alive has one hard area in their lives which they deal with over and over. It may be a hard marriage, a prodigal child, a special needs child, etc...or a sin you can't seem to overcome. For me, it's been finances. And I hate reading those journals where my constant refrain was how, why, when? But I truly believe God uses those areas to keep us coming to Him, depending on Him, and crying out to Him. And boy! Did I. God has brought me so far--transforming me by renewing my mind.
But as I re-read those journals this time, God showed me something I hadn't really put my finger on before. He has blessed me with the gift of forgetfulness. When people have hurt me, I've tried to immediately forgive them. And then...I honestly forget. In fact, in one instance, I've desired relationship with a person for years. And I've felt guilt--wondering what I could have done differently or how I could have pursued them with friendship. And as I opened an old journal, I read of a painful experience years ago which broke my trust with them. I forgave them...and honestly had no recall until I read of the incident. I must have known in my spirit because there was a guard up...which brought that guilt, I'm sure.
I was amazed as I read through those journals. Incident after incident which I'd completely put out of my mind. As I read some of them to Andy, he hadn't remembered them either. May we all be blessed with the gift of forgetfulness!! And may we then press through with unconditional love.