If a guy hasn't grown up with sisters, he may have a hard time figuring a girl out. She's complex. As I interviewed girls and women for this blog, I had to laugh. Their answers were numerous and as diverse as they were! God created women this way. A woman is multi-faceted with layers of knowledge, intuition, personality, emotions, and gifts...just waiting to be peeled back and discovered. God created woman for man and they were to enjoy one another--she was a gift to him. She was to be a partner and companion to him--bringing herself, her gifts, and her strengths to the relationship.
Since the men in my life don't like to wade through a lot of details, I am going to sum up what I discovered girls want from a guy. A girl wants to be cherished by a guy. Girls desire a friendship where a man gives to their relationship--and doesn't just try to "get." They long to be understood, loved, and encouraged in their strengths. That's the bottom line, but if you'd like to know more in-depth of what girls are thinking, these high school girls, college girls, single women, and married women had a lot to say...
Girls were about the same age as guys when they started dating: 12-18 years old, with most being 16.
When I asked them what they were looking for in a guy when they were dating, these were their responses (in order of most replies first):
- Someone to have fun with/a good friend/a good personality or sense of humor
- A Christian
- Male attention
- Someone who was kind
- Someone who liked her family
- Someone caring or who would care for her
- Someone who wasn't trying to have a physical relationship (touching, kissing, or sex)
- Someone who shared their same morals
- Someone respectful
- Someone loving
- A nice guy
- Someone who was cute
- Someone who approved of her
- Someone who would take her places
- Someone she could be herself with
- Someone who would understand her
- Someone to complete her (but learned that God was the only one who could complete her)
- A boyfriend
- Someone giving
- Someone who would listen to her
- Someone gentle
- A soul mate
The number one thing a girl was looking for when she started dating was someone to have fun with.
When I asked what turned them away from a guy--before they began dating or after they'd been dating awhile--I received just as many varied answers. They're in order of most replies first:
- Arrogance or cockiness
- Wanting sex
- Obsessed with my appearance--told me what to wear, how to cut my hair, or that I should lose weight
- Guy grew uninterested in God
- Too serious
- Too clingy or possessive
- Not trustworthy
- Drinking alcohol/Addictions/Partying/Ran with wrong crowd
- We had nothing in common
- Looking at other girls
- He was a jerk
- Not having the same morals
- Didn't go to church
- Too jealous
- He mistreated me
- Too opinionated
- He made big promises
- Said things like, "I need you" or "God sent you to me"
When I asked them when they began thinking about marriage, a lot of them said the same things the guys did. But they also had some new answers:
- High School
- During College
- After College
- When the guy said, "I love you"
- When they were a child (most little girls dream of getting married)
- When they began dating--each guy became husband-potential
- When their Dad liked the guy
- When they met the right person
So, guys...I'd say each girl is very unique. They think differently. They're a mystery waiting to be understood. What is important to you isn't important to them. They're looking for someone who will get to know them and encourage them spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and know what their dreams are. They want someone who will be a spiritual leader. And they're totally turned off by a know-it-all.
Our culture has changed so much that many girls have become the sexual aggressors. They're the ones making sexual advances and suggesting sex before marriage. Joseph is a great example in how to handle that---RUN! When Joseph was seduced by Potipher's wife, he ran out of the house. I can promise you that if you present yourself as a pure husband on your wedding day, the two of you are going to have so much less emotional baggage to deal with. Andy & I encourage total honesty before marriage. And it's so much easier to be honest when you've run from sexual sin.
II Timothy 2:22