Guys and girls are totally different--God created them that way. And they enter into a dating relationship (and marriage) with vastly different goals. If you look at Genesis 2, you see how God formed the heart and mind of man. God created man and then put him in the Garden of Eden and gave him the job of naming all of the animals. After completing that task, it says, "But for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him." Adam had begun searching. God had created an appetite in him to seek a helper, someone to complete him. It's an appetite that remains in man. Then God created woman out of a rib of man and he made her so beautiful that she took Adam's breath away! So man has been in pursuit of a beautiful woman ever since.
I don't presume to know what a guy wants when he's dating since I'm a woman. So I interviewed married men, single men, college guys, and high school guys--in a wide range of ages. Interestingly, their answers were all very similar. And they had a lot to say...
So I asked the guys I interviewed how old they were when they first started dating. I heard answers all the way from 13 to 17. Of course, the 13-year-old's couldn't drive, so they were meeting a girl at the movie, etc.
Then I asked the guys what they were looking for in a girl. I'll put them in order of the greatest number of answers I received.
- Physical appearance--Beauty
- A great personality
- A friend
- Someone who loves God--or believes like you do
- Someone who lets you be yourself
- Someone who gets along with your friends--fits in
- Someone comfortable to be with
- Someone easy to talk to
When I asked them the number one thing on their mind when they began dating, there was only one answer: Sex.
When I asked them what turned them away from a girl--before they began dating or after they'd been dating awhile--they became pretty animated and their answers came faster.
- A girl who pursued them--"She looks desperate"
- Someone who is high maintenance
- Someone who is too serious--or pushed for a more serious relationship
- Someone who is too possessive--the guys want to maintain their friendships
- Someone who didn't try to fit in with their friends
- Someone who quit going to church/worshiping
- Someone with marriage on their mind
When I asked them when they began thinking about marriage or looking at a girl and wondering if she was "the one," none of them were thinking of marriage in high school. Some began thinking of marriage in college. Most began thinking about marriage at the end of college.
To sum it up, I would say a guy is driven by physical attraction and has sex on his mind...but he's not thinking about marriage until he's older. He also wants to do the pursuing. The guys also told me the harder it was to "catch" a girl, the more attractive she appeared. They enjoyed the pursuit. The married men also agreed guys are really too immature to be dating in junior high and even high school.
There you have it, girls! I hope it gives you insight into guys and how they're thinking. I can't encourage you enough to just do group dating in junior high and high school and get to know one another. Treasure your body--it's a gift which should be given to your husband alone after you are married. My prayer is that you will come to understand how God sees you and how valuable you really are. You are priceless and need to be treated that way by every boy you date. Let God overwhelm you with His love--and love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.
Coming up: Dating--Part 5 "What a Girl Wants"