Have you ever had a defining moment in your life? I've had several. As an adult, it's been a moment when God reveals my heart to myself. We don't know our own hearts, do we? I say this with absolute certainty, knowing how many times God has shown me my own heart and revealed and uncovered things I had no idea were there.
Well...I qualify that by saying that after a defining moment, I can look back and see how God has been trying to show me my own heart for quite some time...by His mercy and grace. He is committed to purifying me. And that means He must reveal my heart to me even if it's painful. I call it a good pain...not one I necessarily want to experience, but one I must experience if I'm going to grow and change.
It's easy for me to get bogged down in self-pity, beating myself up, or whining after God reveals my heart to myself. But God doesn't want to condemn me and He certainly doesn't want me making this something it's not. I'm learning to hear, accept, and change. But I have to admit, my flesh would like to kick and scream a few days.
Today, I absolutely chose a new path. One God has been calling me to for quite some time. I don't expect it will be easy and I fully expect God to give me plenty of opportunities for growth. I know I can't do this myself, so I've asked the Holy Spirit to guide me, teach me, train me, counsel me...all of those things He does.
When I told God I didn't "feel" what I think is necessary for this change, His reply was, "Just obey." That I can do. Obey. But I may need prompts from the Spirit when there's a choice in front of me. Too often, I react or speak out of my flesh when I need to see there's a choice of obedience in front of me. HELP ME, GOD!!!
And then I read I Peter 4:1-2 in The Message this morning and it pretty much sums up where I am:
"Since Jesus went through everything you’re going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you’ll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want."
That's it. My defining moment is a choice of either continuing to expect to get my own way (tyrannized by what I want!) or pursuing what God wants.