I've found myself angry lately. I didn't mean to be. And I didn't even consciously realize where some of it came in. But I was angry. It started coming out in ways I didn't expect...and didn't intend. And then it started coming out more.
That's when God stopped me and began showing me my own heart. Ugh!! (Don't you hate when He does that??) There were so many rotten things in there. The first step I had to take was to ask God to forgive me. And then I had to forgive others. (Just in my heart, of course. I didn't run and tell them they'd made me angry without even knowing it!)
But I had a shocking realization when my heart was clean again. I was on a self-propelled mission to create circumstances with a bad ending. I've watched others self-destruct (isn't it always easier to see things in others??); manipulating their own destruction by their own bad behavior. It was the first time I saw it in myself.
As I walked and talked with my prayer partner this morning, I was sharing all of this with her and asked her what she thought about it. Her immediate response was, "It's an Ishmael. That's how you birth an Ishmael." Oh. my. goodness! Do you remember the story? God promised Sarah a son. But that baby didn't come and didn't come. So Sarah was angry with God. And she took matters into her own hands and gave her maid to her husband and that maid birthed Ishmael. And there's been trouble ever since between the descendants of the son of promise, Isaac (Jews), and the son of flesh, Ishmael (Arab-Muslims).
Anger leads to unforgiveness. Unforgiveness leads to bitterness. You stay on that pathway, you're headed to destruction--by your own hands. You manipulate your own future by your own mindset (of anger). I was headed to my own creation of destruction by being angry. I could even see the outcome if I'd stayed on that course. I think it was subconsciously in my mind all along and where I wanted my anger to take me. That's frightening!
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3 comments:
Becky, that is absolutely true. When we become angry, our hearts turn from God.
Now I have a question for you. How do you handle when someone rails on you? I have had a person that consistently finds a way to rail against me for one thing or another (and it's not my hubby or my kids!) At one point, I finally stood up for myself, only to have it escalate into a shouting match. I was hurt and angry...but I'm still left with a person who finds fault and continues to find reasons to be angry. How do you handle a thing like that? Debbie
Becky, Good post. I might add that a few years back I was having some problems with depression and my family doctor who was a friend suggested to me that I was angry but not letting myself experience it. I asked God to show me if this was true. It was. I owned my anger and let it come up and voilá depression went away. What I learned from that was that for me I could not suppress anger, I had to own it and then make choices of how to express it. For me it's okay to be angry and be honest about my feelings and not try so hard to be a good girl. Then I acknowledge to myself my feelings and I can then make honest choices about healthy ways to express it. Different strokes for different folks I guess. Anyway, thought provoking article. Thanks. M
Debbie, I'd be the first to tell you that I don't have all the answers to difficult relationships. But Paul Burleson is dealing with some things on his blog that might help you:
http://vtmbottomline.blogspot.com/2011/04/purpose-of-boundaries-in-relationships.html
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