Shattering

I’m trying to process what God is showing me about my life right now. I’d be lying if I told you the past nine months have been easy. I’d also be lying if I told you I haven’t kicked and screamed a few times.  But isn’t it amazing that when God gives you His perspective everything changes? That’s what happened to me this week. 

Andy knew early this year that it was time to retire—or be “reassigned” (because we’ll never stop doing ministry). I was ready—or so I thought. At first, I was consumed with the details of moving. We had to sell furniture and “stuff” to combine our household with my mom’s which was where we were landing. We also visited all four of our kids from May-September. We were BUSY!!

But when the dust settled, I began to wonder who I was and what I was to do. I felt like a square peg in a round hole. I didn’t know where I fit anymore. I’d been a pastor’s wife for 43 years and it was disconcerting trying to find my new role. I felt like my life had shattered. 

God used Psalm 20:4 to begin explaining things to me, “May He grant you according to your heart’s desire, and fulfill all your purpose.”  Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  So I can trust my desires when I’m intimate with God. He gives them to me. 

These glass pieces represent my desires. When my circumstances changed so drastically, I felt like my life had shattered. It’s like I’d been the stained glass window above and it broke and fell apart. But as God began opening my eyes and my heart to my desires, I knew the old picture of my life had shattered.  It had to. But nothing was truly broken. My desires are the same. God’s just going to pick up the pieces to create something new. The old picture of Becky is gone.  God is creating something different—something even more beautiful from the desires of my heart.