Expectations of a Pastor’s Wife

My husband & I have been in the ministry 48 years—serving 43 in the Church.  There have been a few expectations placed on me. I thought I’d just share a few:

•Playing the piano for the church

•Having perfect children

•Being my husband’s secretary after a service

•How I should dress

•My kids should be a leader for their children

•That I should lead the women’s ministry

•That I should teach a women’s Sunday School class

•That I should teach a Bible study

•That I should go on each mission trip

•That I should stay home with my children instead of going on a mission trip

•That my children should be at each children or youth function

•That I should go to children and youth camp as a sponsor

•That I should be like the former pastor’s wife (whom they loved!)

•That I should host an open house

•That I should cook and serve for each funeral meal

•That I should teach in the children’s ministry

•That I should teach in the youth ministry

•That I should speak at their women’s conference

•That I should counsel anyone in the church (and lots outside the church)

•That I should help maintain the church building

•That I should shut up and sit down

•That I should be friendly to everyone

•That I should have no say in church politics

•That I shouldn’t have friends

•That I should be friends with everyone

•That I should visit everyone in the church

•That I should visit people outside our church

•That I should make hospital visits with my husband

•That I should be an evangelist

•That I should be a prayer warrior

•I should never be on a church committee

•I should be a part of anything going on at the church

•I should never miss church unless I’m sick or one of my children is sick

Whew!  I’m sure there are more—but these are the ones which came to mind easily. NO ONE could live up to all of this. No one should. You may just have one expectation—but if everyone has one expectation—it adds up to a burden which will crush your pastor’s wife. 

The worst expectations are the ones I place on myself (and if you’ve heard me teach about how Satan speaks to us in first person singular, you know it’s really HIS voice!). 

I should…

I could do that…

I know how…

I’m just being lazy…

And on and on it goes. 

Expectations kill. It’s living under the law instead of grace. And you know what?  I love doing a lot of those things!!  I’m even gifted in some of them. And I WANT to do them. But if someone implies I should, it takes the joy out of the equation. And one thing most church members never think about—most pastors’ wives can’t afford to do all of them. It takes money to do a lot on that list (or hire a babysitter so I can) and money is in short supply in most pastors’ houses.  

Let’s get rid of expectations. Embrace your pastors’ wives!! ASK them what they love doing. Encourage them. Do it with them. Bless them with love gifts. Pray for them. Send them a note. Pray for their children. Send them a note. Pray for their husband. Send him a note. Be a friend. Invite them into your home—kids and all! Ask God what they need…and do it.