Expectations of a Pastor’s Wife

My husband & I have been in the ministry 48 years—serving 43 in the Church.  There have been a few expectations placed on me. I thought I’d just share a few:

•Playing the piano for the church

•Having perfect children

•Being my husband’s secretary after a service

•How I should dress

•My kids should be a leader for their children

•That I should lead the women’s ministry

•That I should teach a women’s Sunday School class

•That I should teach a Bible study

•That I should go on each mission trip

•That I should stay home with my children instead of going on a mission trip

•That my children should be at each children or youth function

•That I should go to children and youth camp as a sponsor

•That I should be like the former pastor’s wife (whom they loved!)

•That I should host an open house

•That I should cook and serve for each funeral meal

•That I should teach in the children’s ministry

•That I should teach in the youth ministry

•That I should speak at their women’s conference

•That I should counsel anyone in the church (and lots outside the church)

•That I should help maintain the church building

•That I should shut up and sit down

•That I should be friendly to everyone

•That I should have no say in church politics

•That I shouldn’t have friends

•That I should be friends with everyone

•That I should visit everyone in the church

•That I should visit people outside our church

•That I should make hospital visits with my husband

•That I should be an evangelist

•That I should be a prayer warrior

•I should never be on a church committee

•I should be a part of anything going on at the church

•I should never miss church unless I’m sick or one of my children is sick

Whew!  I’m sure there are more—but these are the ones which came to mind easily. NO ONE could live up to all of this. No one should. You may just have one expectation—but if everyone has one expectation—it adds up to a burden which will crush your pastor’s wife. 

The worst expectations are the ones I place on myself (and if you’ve heard me teach about how Satan speaks to us in first person singular, you know it’s really HIS voice!). 

I should…

I could do that…

I know how…

I’m just being lazy…

And on and on it goes. 

Expectations kill. It’s living under the law instead of grace. And you know what?  I love doing a lot of those things!!  I’m even gifted in some of them. And I WANT to do them. But if someone implies I should, it takes the joy out of the equation. And one thing most church members never think about—most pastors’ wives can’t afford to do all of them. It takes money to do a lot on that list (or hire a babysitter so I can) and money is in short supply in most pastors’ houses.  

Let’s get rid of expectations. Embrace your pastors’ wives!! ASK them what they love doing. Encourage them. Do it with them. Bless them with love gifts. Pray for them. Send them a note. Pray for their children. Send them a note. Pray for their husband. Send him a note. Be a friend. Invite them into your home—kids and all! Ask God what they need…and do it. 

Way • Truth • Life

I was searching. I was married. I had four kids. We were in the ministry. But I was asking, “Is this it? Is this all there is?” There was a longing in me for MORE, for purpose, for LIFE!

I remember I was reading the 14th chapter in the book of John. I read these words, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. This thought came to me: “That is a progressive statement!”  We have to know Jesus as the WAY to the Father…and then we have to go through TRUTH…to experience LIFE! Jesus is all of these things. But I saw it so clearly—if I wanted abundant life, I needed to embrace truth!

That began my search for truth. There were so many mile markers pointing to truth in those days. God used people like Major Ian Thomas, Peter Lord and Bill & Anabel Gillham. He used books like Love Hunger by Minirth & Meier, Surprised by the Power of the Spirit by Jack Deere, and Classic Christianity by Bob George—and so much more! But the Holy Spirit was my best teacher. It’s like my mind was a funnel and opened in a new way to receive truth. I was on a journey—searching for truth. Every day I’d ask God to lead me to truth and keep me in truth. Truth became the key that unlocked every door.  God taught me so much. My friends at that time were so tolerant—truth was in every conversation. Truth was changing me. 

Truth brought abundant life. Scripture changed before my very eyes.  What had once been a rule book to strictly follow was now the life and breath of freedom! God LOVED me! He wasn’t waiting on me to fall and mess up so he could discipline me. I was His favored child whom He loved deeply and was there to help me grow and overcome every lie Satan had planted in my mind—and there were many. I was being set free. Truth brings freedom. “You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32. 

How is my life different? I recognize the lies of the enemy much faster. Satan brings fear…Jesus brings abundant life. If I’m fearing, I need to drop everything and run to Jesus and His truth! I still chase truth—and will until I die. It’s constantly changing me, transforming me, and rearranging what I’ve been taught or thought on my own. None of us has all truth which is why we need a good teacher—the Holy Spirit. Truth brings peace and abundant life. Interestingly, there is a holy discontent because of truth. I’m not satisfied to stay where I am. I constantly want more!

Are you satisfied where you are or are you asking, “Is this all there is?” Ask God for truth. You’ll start on an adventure you’ll never regret!

It Doesn’t Make Sense

It Doesn’t Make Sense

David Cory was teaching Luke 5 to our Sunday School Class yesterday.  Jesus told Peter to cast his net again (after he’d fished all night and caught nothing. Also after he’d already cleaned his net.). And then Jesus told Peter to follow him (to leave his lucrative business and follow a guy with no obvious income). This thought went through my mind, “None of that made sense!”

It didn’t make sense for Peter to launch his boat and fish—after he’d already fished all night with no luck. It didn’t make sense to get his net dirty after he’d already cleaned it. But he obeyed. We have to obey even when it doesn’t make sense—maybe especially when it doesn’t make sense!!  Jesus knew what Peter didn’t know. He’d called the fish—enough fish to almost sink two boats. Jesus set Peter up for a miracle and a way to glorify Himself. Jesus told Peter to leave it all behind and follow him. It didn’t make sense!  He had a lucrative business that met his needs. He was married. But he obeyed…even when it didn’t make sense. And his life was forever changed and used for the kingdom of God!

What has God asked you to do that doesn’t make sense? Is it to move to another town? Quit a job? Change schools? Trust this…if God has asked you to do something that doesn’t make sense, He wants to glorify Himself. Did it make sense for Moses to go back to Egypt? Was it logical for Noah to build a boat? Did it make sense for David to face a giant with five smooth stones? What about Esther? Did it make sense for her to go before the king on behalf of her people when she could have been killed?

God still wants to do miracles! Obey Him…even when it doesn’t make sense.  He wants to glorify Himself through your obedience.

New Beginnings

New Beginnings

by Becky Dietz

“Behold, the former things have come to pass, and new things I declare; before they spring forth I tell you of them.” 

Isaiah 42:9

The old is over. God is doing something new! Don’t you love new beginnings? I love a new unmarked calendar. It’s fresh and full of possibilities! It’s a new chance to do things differently. There’s hope for a better outcome. It stirs up a desire to make everything we do COUNT!

You can do new things in 2024:

•Make God a priority—read His Word!

•Love others more than you love yourself. 

•Listen. Hear. 

•Put your phone down more than you hold it. 

•Turn off the TV. 

•Read the Bible to build relationship with God. 

•Ask God for BIG things!

•Share God’s good news. 

•Slow down. Rest. 

•Establish the right priorities for your family. 

•Be intentional with relationships. 

•Build community. 

•Invite others into your home. Let them see the real you. 

•Fast & pray. 

•Ask God for direction daily. 

•Join a Bible study with others. 

•Journal your thoughts. 

•Give. You’ll be surprised at how much this opens your heart!

•Help…others, your family, your church, a ministry, your neighbors, widows. 

•Read. There are some really great books by Christian authors. 

•Forgive others. 

•Forgive yourself. 

•Be invested where you are. 

•Be diligent with whatever God gives you to do wherever He puts you. 

•Be kind. 

•Share joy!

We have so much opportunity to be a light and to show the world there’s a better way. Let’s do it!!! Take one step at a time—being better tomorrow than we were today. God is about to open some amazing doors!! I want to look back at this time next year knowing I finished well, don’t you? 

Here’s to a BLESSED 2024!