This was a question I didn’t settle until my children were grown and called themselves PKs (preacher’s kids). It was at that point I realized I must be a pastor’s wife! The confusion came because we were either called Youth Leader, Youth Minister, or Minister of Missions & Evangelism. You’d think the “minister” part of the title would have clued me in, but even then we were related to as “staff” by the pastor or church. I know some denominations are much clearer. They have deacons or priests. But in my denomination (and maybe yours), we never felt like a pastor. So who is a pastor?
A pastor is not determined by age. And it’s not determined by the position you hold (children, youth, music, etc.). A pastor is someone who shepherds, teaches, disciples, looks over, cares for, exhorts, leads, evangelizes, and helps the body of Christ. I Timothy 2 outlines the qualifications of a pastor. This person may be the lead pastor or a staff pastor. But if he does these things in any part of the body of Christ, he is a pastor. Your church may not call you pastor (but staff, minister, leader)...but you are a pastor. And if your husband does these things...you are a pastor’s wife. I recognize some churches allow women to pastor, as well.
We’re not just looking for clout—but there’s so much confusion in the Church over who is a pastor. In fact, being a pastor doesn’t just come with authority, but it comes with responsibility and accountability. James 3:1 says that not many should desire the position of teacher because it comes with greater judgement.
If it took me over 25 years to figure out I was a pastor’s wife, I thought someone else might be confused over their role as well.
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