That's part of what blogging is all about, right? Being able to vent and then not being judged for said venting?
Today was our Christmas Toy Give-Away at Living Water. It was awesome. We had about 30 families show up to get the toys our volunteers had shopped for. Andy sang, I gave my testimony about the year we had no money to have Christmas for our kids. (I don't even know if they knew about that.) And I gave the gospel. No one got saved, but I think they knew someone understood where they were. And then they wrapped their gifts, ate snacks, etc. and went home. It was awesome.
And then I came home and cried my eyes out.
To back up, I'm also trying to help a single mom right now. She's living in poor housing and she's going to be able to move into a rent house in a good neighborhood this weekend, thanks to the goodness of some friends' hearts. Our S.S. class has taken up money to buy Christmas for her and her son. So she's going to have a great Christmas.
But...she's going through a divorce which will be final next Monday. She had brain surgery last April (her brain was slipping down into her spinal column). Her doctor hasn't released her to work...but she's babysitting her brother's 2 kids for $300 a month---and her brother hasn't paid her yet. But she's been out groceries for the kids. She has nothing--except constant migraines! She exists on child support. So if her husband messes up ONE time, she's in trouble. And she's giving up smoking to move into this house---it was a prerequisite she accepted to move in.
I talked to a grandmother who had signed her grandkids up for toys (they live with her) and she found out her cancer is back. It's in her lungs, under her lungs, in her lymph nodes--all over. She's going to be taking chemo once a week.
Another woman told me her story of how she's raising 2 grandkids and one has cystic fibrosis and the other has some disease I'd never heard of. This grandmother needs dental work so bad--but can't afford it.
One woman found out some grant is going to pay for all of her cancer treatment. She just hopes it's not too late! She's been needing it, but had no money to get it.
One grandmother is raising 6 grandchildren now---and has no money to get her grandchildren anything for Christmas. The parents are in prison.
And we gave them all a stinkin' $15 toy.
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4 comments:
Oh Becky. What a beautiful heart you have. I will be praying for all of those you mentioned and all of those you didn't. Such hurt and need huh?
Elizabeth, you have no idea what your comment just did. It exposed my putrid, wretched heart. It had nothing to do with you--you were only encouraging me--but your beautiful words condemned my heart. I haven't had a beautiful heart. I think that's what God has been trying to get to the bottom of today. And He used so many things to get there. The stories of the people at Living Water today. (And some of those people I've judged.) Zach's new blog. But mainly the Holy Spirit, my wonderful counselor, has been tugging at me. He's wanted to get rid of this putrid wretchedness and give me a beautiful heart, Elizabeth. Thank you for letting God use you tonight in my life---just by encouraging me. It exposed my heart to myself. But praise God, He's a Redeeming God! He's changing me.
Becky, you did not just give them a stinkin' $15 toy! You gave them hope! I know that no one publicly got saved but I know you touched hearts...and they know that someone cares and understands where they are!! I know how it feels when you THINK no one cares...you have no hope and want to die...but today (yesterday, rather!) you gave them hope! And that's more than $1,000,000 could have given them! I don't know why these people are suffering but I do know that their suffering lead them to LW to hear you and to hear about how much Jesus loves them!
You had a hard day.
Those people were fortunate to have you listen to their heartaches. Sometimes, we just need someone to hear us.
Thanks for being a listener.
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