Who is a Pastor’s Wife?

Who IS a pastor’s wife?  The wife of a pastor, right?  Well then...who’s a pastor?

There’s been so much confusion over this issue in my own mind through the years.  I would have guessed it was just me.  But I’ve gotten messages from other women who seem to be just as confused.  Maybe my story will explain my dilemma.  

When I married Andy, he was in Music Evangelism—he traveled and sang with a gospel quartet, The Royalheirs, and then with his twin brother, The Dietz Brothers. We joined a church where we lived but were seldom there because of our travels.  But as we had children, I was there almost every Sunday and Wednesday.  We were members there for six years before our pastor asked Andy to become the Youth Minister or Youth Leader, I think he was called.  Because I was so involved in the church, it just seemed like the next step. I never felt like a pastor’s wife because my friendships never changed—and we had great friends.  We were on staff there for three years and then moved to our second church.  I didn’t feel as involved at our next church because I had a new baby and four children under six. I was busy at home.  Our third church was the church where Andy grew up. So we were “home.”   He was among old friends who quickly became my friends. We remained there for 26 years.  

If you’d asked me during those years if I was a pastor’s wife, I would have said, “No.  My husband is the Youth Minister (or later Missions’ Minister).”  Or I might have said, “I’m a staff wife.”  I didn’t feel like a pastor’s wife and was never called a pastor’s wife. In fact, it wasn’t until my daughter was grown and talked about being a PK (preacher’s kid) that the lightbulb went off!   I WAS a pastor’s wife!!   Why had that never registered?

I became a pastor’s wife during a time that only the senior pastor was called a pastor—at least in my denomination.  But a pastor is someone who is a shepherd. He’s someone who cares for the sheep—who feeds the sheep by teaching the Word. My husband did that from the beginning in our youth ministries.  We’ve had anywhere from 50 to 500 youth. He taught them, cared for them, led them, and doctored their wounds.  He also did that as a Missions’ Minister. My son has done that as a Worship Pastor. Children’s Ministers, Activity Ministers, Education Ministers, Family Ministers, New Church Members Ministers, Small Group Leaders all pastor...if they shepherd the people.  

We are in our fourth church where Andy is the pastor.  The senior pastor.  And I’m glad I finally figured out who I am...and now realize it’s who I’ve been for 37 years!