Paradigm Shift

Where to start? God's been working in my heart. Maybe I need to start at the beginning.
Even as a small child, I had a very strong sense of right and wrong. I think God's had His hand on me for a very, very long time.
My spiritual gift is prophecy. That gift is a truth proclaimer. I love Truth! And that gift also has a clear knowledge or understanding of right and wrong.
I am also a mostly choleric personality. The choleric personality is highly motivated, loves to lead and is strong-willed.
So...there you have a short-version of me. My mother, siblings, husband and children will attest to all of the above. Of course, I left off the negatives of these....you'll just have to study it on your own to figure those out--I don't have to tell everything! But suffice it to say, I have a strong personality. And I'm pretty hard-headed and outspoken. Ok...very.
I can remember being in my 20's and hearing about people caught up in certain sins and (honestly!) my thought would be: "I would never do that." And I really thought I was above those sins. But then one night, I had a dream from the Lord. Ever had one? Trust me...you'd know. And you'd never forget it. In that dream, I was caught up in a sin. A serious sin. And I was trying to hide it. I'd taken this sin to a male friend of mine (also a prophet!) who wouldn't allow me to hide my sin on his property. When I woke up, I was overwhelmed with the "knowing" in my heart that I was truly capable of ANY sin! That dream changed my life dramatically. I became much less judgmental and a little more cautious.
In my 30's, I began a spiritual walk with a friend and God began speaking to us in so many different ways. And through that walk, I became much more compassionate toward people who were hurting. I began to look past the awful things people would say to the hurts in their hearts. My own heart was softening. And trust me...it needed softening!
In my 30's & 40's, I heard some incredible spiritual giants speak. People like Bill & Anabel Gillham, Peter Lord, Major Ian Thomas, and Al Whittinghill. The truth they taught helped shape me.
I believe in each decade of my life, I've had a paradigm shift. (Or maybe it's just going from glory to glory!) And now I'm in my 50's. What is changing me now? What is shaping me? I'd have to say God has used many things. I think one of the biggest things that has changed me is observing others. You see, it's so easy for a person with my gift and my personality to think they're always "right!" (I can imagine some of you shaking your heads and thinking: "Are you kidding me?!? How can anyone think they're right all the time?" If you don't have this gift or this personality, you're just not going to understand. But for those of you who do, it's striking a chord in your heart.) It's also easy for a person with my gift and personality to just assume what's going on and jump in to take control--even without hearing people out. And even worse--without hearing God.
What I've observed lately are people who are blind to their own deception. It's caused me to take a step back and ask, "Am I walking in Truth? Is what I believe in line with God's Word? Am I deceived in any way?" I've come to believe at a deeper level that I'm not always right and that I am capable of, and have been, deceived. I've seen my own control issues. God has revealed my heart to me. ("The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?" Jeremiah 17:9) It's causing me to look at everything I think about and everything I do in a new way and with new eyes. It's making me much more cautious. I hope it's filling me with grace. I know it's opening my heart to love those that I haven't really loved. It's so easy for a person with the gift of prophecy to speak truth...but not so easy to speak truth in love.
So...once again my paradigm has shifted. I'm looking at the world with new eyes and from a new perspective. I'm trying to be slower to assume. I want to analyze my motives and my actions. I want to walk in love. I'm testing my heart. And I've made this my prayer: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24.
Another thing that has helped me is to realize we're all on a journey. I want to grace everyone on their own journeys! I know how hard it's been for me to "get" some of these truths. I know how long it's taken for God to be able to get through to me on some issues. So I want to extend you that same grace.
Thank you, God, for the work you're doing in my life. Please feel free to keep changing me, Mold me into the likeness of your son!! Make me a pure bride for him. I love you, Daddy! And I trust you.
In Jesus' name, Amen.